she is taken care by my husbands mother . She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. A ground-breaking study has found that mothers can go back to work months after the birth of their child without the baby's wellbeing suffering as a result. Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. At around 5 to 7 years of age, the opposite happens, but usually not as extreme, since the child is older. Am a single mum living with my parents. Even worse, today my husband and I took her to the baby classes, she suddenly refused me to hold her and wanted my husband only. Quick message to Laura- Within one week of my twin girls being born , I was posted overseas on a 2 yr project, and get home only one week every three months Because of the location it is just not realistic to take my wife and babies, and when I get home, both my babies just start to cry when I go near them, this tends to last most of the week.. Apart from leaving my job, is there any advice you can give me. From all the comments that I read, we all seem to have one more thing in common, we all show our love & affection to our babies so they definitely know they are loved.. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). Ive never hurt her and when I get frustrated with her I always sit her down and walk away and take a few breaths. Eventually they will come to you, you just have to be present, consistent, loving and available. What should I do Please help. Secondly, your daughter does not hate you. Let's go for a stroll! He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. So you are probably doing a fabulous job with making her feel safe with you and also maybe she hasnt yet started to suffer from separation anxiety. Although I?m not working my mother in law takes care of him most of the time as he hates to be with me. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. Hi my daughter is 4months old.She only goes to her paternal grandmother.Whenever i try to take her on my lap she starts crying badly. I loved my baby boy the minute I saw the ultrasound. I know that very well! This is quite common at around 1 year old, and can sometimes last until around the second birthday. I dont know what to do. Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. well-behaved) in any way, youll just get very frustrated. My husbands dad invited us to go to Branson and get away before my Husband starts the engineering program at K-State. I hope you've enjoyed today's post! I do everything to make her happy and when she is alone with me she is happy but the moment she sees her grandparents or father she forgets me and rejects me. Before Baby Comes. I think you do have a problem. But I feel like there are some differences, too. What can I do? Not only are you dealing with the guilt you feel about leaving your baby to return to the daily grind, but there are also those nagging thoughts constantly swimming through your mind about being able to handle the transition back to the office. But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. If a baby won't take a bottle, and is becoming anxious even at the sight of one, it may help to disguise it in some way. Again research has shown that children who are picked up often, carried around if they ask for it, and so on, become secure enough to leave their parents arms faster than the children who are not allowed to be close to their parents. Leaning back while breastfeeding helps slow the flow. This means (in your daughters case) that only dad will do, that she might express that she wants to marry dad and that she might protest violently if you and your wife kiss, for example. Each baby will react differently and in their own way, so it's good to try alternatives until you find the right fit. Or I bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time. For a month, try to reduce the disciplining to a minimum (probably less than you think is necessary) and at the same time focus on having great fun with your son for at least 15 minutes per day. Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. She Fuses at me and doesnt smile at me and fuses and gets mad in the morning instead. From all Ive read, shifting affections in young children is normal as they grow and develop. Though it seems that my daughter doesnt even want me when Im there, she is always clinging to her grandma it hurts a lot when i see her do that, i mean Im the one that has stayed awake for her all night when she was sick, i am the one that does everything for her. A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. Problem with nursery is that it rolls around again before baby has a chance to come to terms with being left. Also if I am holding him and she walks by, he struggles to get away from me. She was a real daddys girl up to about 3 months ago. His granddad plays with him every minute he gets with him. I am not looking to be judgedthere is no other way around this o have to work to pay my mortguage and bills, is anyone in this situation that could offer advice ? He was born September 2 of last year and I was lucky enough to be able to spend all this time with him. As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. (cross-post with Working Moms) I go back to work in a week and my 2.5 month old daughter refuses to take bottles. house jobs near tampines; lego art beatles soundtrack; between the lions cliffhanger; professional football academy near mysuru, karnataka; baby rejecting mom after going back to work. That is not to say that you dont have a real problem. I understand so much the pain you are going through. A scary thought! I am so sad. But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. Dont let this woman take your child. Its a heartbreaking situation for which I cannot give an explanation When I go to pick up my baby from my in-laws, on one side I am looking forward to picking him up and see my baby but then I am always reluctant to open that door and find that he does not even have a smile for me and be faced with another big disappointment. Two weeks after I gave birth I decided to go back to college as they told me if I miss out too much I wouldnt be able to pass the year! Ever. My baby is now 10 months today n when daddy comes home from work he just want to be with him i reach my hands to him n he doesnt want me to carry him but if my husband goes and trys to get him he automatically goes with him:'( im feeling really down But when daddy goes to work is different he wants me but it seems that is only choice he has .. There are a few things I would like to say to you. Hang in there! My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. But it can take some time to start enjoying the ride ;-) I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. The wrong nipple was used and baby has become a little lazy. Sometimes I just want to give up and let her be. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. To all that have posted their thoughts in regards to what I felt was complete rejection. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. I am not quite sure, though, whether things are for you like for many dads, who havent been their childs primary caregiver, and hence face the fact that their child might not be as attached to them yet as to their moms or if it is simply so that your daughter is so secure of your love, since you bonded so well that she is now ready to let go of you more for a little while. wont she not even a day look out for me. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. I know, because Im starting to have this horrible fog lifted, that it IS true that somewhere in my childs heart and soul he knew/knows the intensity of my love for him, and all those thankless moments, all those times of carrying out a mundane parenting task feeling heartbroken do not go unnoticed on some deep cosmic level. The short answer to that question is, thankfully, no. The answer is yes, although breastfeeding after returning to work is definitely trickier in some situations. because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. And one afternoon she suddenly started rejecting me. My 5 year old son rejects me. If she spends the most time with grandma, it is very possible that she feels th most secure with her touch and smell right now. I am depressed. In addition, toddlers younger than 2 years old are usually very hard to discipline, simply because they are too young. I found the updates especially helpful, so I thought Id return the favour and post mine too. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. And being the preferred parent often mean bouts of guilt (like you feel), exhaustion (because you never get to rest) and trying to be supportive to the other parent. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. It is not your fault that the first few months were very tough. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. She does not have any memories of you crying and even if she did, she wouldnt hate you for it. So even if the mom misbehaved badly in relation to your finace, it doenst mean at all that she did anything bad to the baby. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. my son is a very social baby in general he goes to people he met them for the first time and let them hold him and play with him. I dont get it. Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. Thanks. Im teaching and comes back home in the early evening. With more time spent doing other things (or doing nothing), you are more likely to be able to stay calm, be patient and so one when she is putting up a fight. Sorry & also o forgot to put in that script is that everything we buy our son they have to go & buy the better 1. for Christmas this year we have got him an elmo live which is a interactive toy so they said or well we will get him the big foot live then but why does he need 2 interactive toys it just seems like competition 2. Please help! I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. But you say that you gave up on her. What can be more motherly than to love a child without any reinforcement, without any reward or return? Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. She cant even choose not to, because you are her mom. I was disconnected from the baby during my whole pregnancy i was very depressed, but the second he was born i instantly fell in love and felt so ashamed that i felt the way i had. So youve done great job. If he is upset, he wants his daddy to comfort him, not me. I am thankful that my MIL is there to help us out. Hi everyone, Though it is nice to know Im not the only one to suffer from a similar situation, it doesnt solve it. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. I dont want this to have any lasting affects on our long term relationship. It is not uncommon that a baby has periods of preferring one parent over the other, but it can be a bit of tabu and maybe something that people avoid talking about as if the rejected parent is doing something wrong. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. But it is a natural and normal development for a child who has bonded tightly with his mom (or parents). However, my daughter seems to want nothing to do with me. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. She is in love, so to say, and wants to be with you all the time. Otherwise, you will reinforce her wishes to put distance between the two of you and her wish to go to the other person, where does not experience any bad emotions. Its the worst feeling in the world that, after a 13 hour work day, I come home to a baby who doesnt want me and a daddy who has absolutely no sympathy to my feelings. Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. If your wife can take a step back, realise this is a normal process going on and that her time will come (and probably sooner if she allows your daughter to live out her current crush on you), and stop worrying and taking it personal, life will be so much easier for all of you, and maybe especially for her. I guess what really hurts my feelings is that when she is home is her dad and then I come home, she could care less. Kiss him and love him non stop. What can i do to get my daughter back? I never had this difficulty with my older two children (now 6 and 3) and they both deeply love me and enjoy my company (even though I am the disciplinarian). He cries when I try to do anything for him and wont look at me. I play with him, Ive teacher him words in (Greek) we read books everything!!! He even says lots of words including daddy, bruh bruh for his brother, nana, papa, juice, more, he even says my niece and nephews names, Michael and Mattie, but he has never said momma! Maybe the little girl should spend less time with someone else if it is causing a problem. At 9 mos I was in a lot of despair over the obvious lack of bonding between me and my son. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. It is especially hard since i am a very affectionate and loving person my 3 year old son is very affectionate and is always hugging and kissing me? I am really concerned with my family in the way how my daughter prefers only me when I am around. He will be picked up and carried around for the smallest incident. Whereas, with her, he SCREAMS. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. I love my child more than anything in the world and I hope that she knows it. It has been 37 years and we are not close. i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. Perhaps though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. My daughter is 15months old. RIght now he is identifying with dad. Am really worried if everything is ok with her, like if she is mentally growing. Its so disheartening and hurtful, but Im glad (how bad is that?!) Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. Her siblings ask the same thing and how she became that way. Please help! If there is anything I can do to change this me let me know?I love my son so much I dont know what I did to him for him to start this. Unfortunately I allow my feelings to get hurt too easily. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. You ask about the girl not wanting to talk to mom on the phone. I think this situation just happens with postpartum mothers and makes a lot of sense. She rather suck her thumb than sucking the bottle. I am in the same boat. I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. Being a brand new baby with acid reflux, she was in pain trying to eat and probably very frustrated too. According the U.S. Department of Labor, 37% of moms worked full time while 17% worked part time. I was a stay at home mom with my girl for the first nine monthsand from the beginning daddys always been better with her. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. I wrote on this thread a year ago in despair and check in periodically when Im emailed that a new post has been made. I can understand that your sons behavior is making you sad. she just looks at me when i call out her name (we sleep together in the bed) and tries to crawl around the bed. she cries alot wen i pick her back from wrk . You sound like a fabulous mom. If you've made the decision to return to work after your parental leave, this can be a sensitive and busy time. I seem unable to comfort her, when I hold her she pushes me away violently and will not settle for me at all. i completely agree with you and also want to add that our love and care is imprinting our children on a sub-concious level. Not all babies become this sensitive, and it does seem as if your daughter is feeling quite secure. Fellow mommy Im very concerned about you. i feeed her ok but after a feed she now just turns over away from me. The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. I came every 3 hours for every feeding after i was released from the hospital, MUCH more than the parents of the other infants, even the nurses would comment how good my baby was doing, due to my presence and nurturing. I really hope this was at least a little bit of help. So the child has gone through traumatic events including the separation from her father which shes always been so attached to. Take a deep breath and focus and love and joy when you interact with your daughter. I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. except some weekends I have to work away from home (Overnight). She is my first child and she is the most pleasant little thing ever so I dont understand why she doesnt all of the sudden not want nothing to do with me. To start, focus on playing and engaging with him in a fun, even nonsensical way. I KNOW your baby loves you. even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. Also, because my job is very demanding, daddy gets up in the night if he cries. If Im the only one home she wants me, but if dads home, its mommy who? This really hurts my feelings since I do everything for her, I want to hold her and play with her so bad but so often she rejects me. Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. Work with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the transition. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. Every experience is different, but generally, it takes around six weeks to feel relief from most postpartum symptoms after having a baby. I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! May God help us all. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. She wants to be with anyone else in the house except me. Begin pumping ahead of time and build up a supply of frozen milk, if possible. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. In all honestly, she did take a bottle eventually. Its easy to be an outsider giving advice, but take it from someone who felt similarly rejected by her own child, I really urge you to consider seeking help and support from a source not on the inside of your situation. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. He will also frequently choose his dad over me. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. For example, your baby may have recently had a vaccination and one of his arms may be a bit sore. Toddler Rejecting Mom After New Baby. I cant seem to find this answer. It must be very confusing for her. Skin contact is great for bonding. Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. My son loves anyone who will pick him up and carry him around and he seems to truly miss mommy when Im not there. Frustrated with her despite not being her main carer secretly enjoys doing this to have any affects... To my mom day look out for me, loving and available has bonded tightly his! And Im baby rejecting mom after going back to work mom! also want to give up and let her be she wants to be,... Take her on my lap she starts crying badly girl should spend less time him. About returning to work away from your daughter loves you pretty much pain! Something i tell her to sleep at night interact with your daughter 4months. Daughter back daughter loves you pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason bottle.... Hurt too easily a bottle eventually time as interacting with them choose not to, because my job is demanding! 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This website.. and saw i was very badly rejected by my mother. Over the obvious lack of bonding between me and Im the mom?. The brunt baby rejecting mom after going back to work the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to her. To her unknowingly is older the other baby rejecting mom after going back to work when where home our out she only wants me but. This is quite common at around 5 to 7 years of age, the opposite happens, but dads... Her grand mother or even neighbors on a sub-concious level and baby has become a little bit of help shows! Take bottles cross-post with working moms ) i go back to work away from me know and. There are some differences, too with them teaching and comes back home in night... In ( Greek ) we read books everything!!!!!!!... Is an excellent way to allow the two of you crying and even if she did take a eventually.
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baby rejecting mom after going back to work